


Star Wars: Revolting Old Toe Slime

by Poplitealqueen



Series: Indepth Analyses & Summaries of the Star Wars Movies [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Genre: Because fucks are a commodity i am currently lacking, F/M, M/M, More nonsense, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:13:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poplitealqueen/pseuds/Poplitealqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The realest summary of Episode 3 you will ever see.</p><p>100000% totally true. I've fact checked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Wars: Revolting Old Toe Slime

**Author's Note:**

> Since people seemed to like Tapioca Fish Army so much, I thought I'd try my hand at the other movies.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> I have that little of a social life.
> 
> -Pop

Once above the skies of Croissant,  Bananakin Skypewalter and Boi He-da-One fought Count Doot to save Pulpybean.  
  
Banakin kills Doot as Pulp chants 'HE BOUTTA DO ET' to Boi's half-crushed body.  
  
They win, land half a ship, and Boi gives Bananakin his best come-fuck-me face before ditching him to go wherever the fuck he went.  
  
In the Supreme Court, Bananakin is told by his lovely little wife Billymayes Amygdala that she's pregnant, and two minutes of the most awkward display of happiness begins. I know Bananakin was probably ecstatic, but what was he supposed to do in such a crowded place? Billymayes should have told him at her apartments or something.  
  
So other stuff happens, and Bananakin has a spooky spooky nightmare about mist and awkward frame cuts and freaks the fuck out.  
  
More things happen. Lots of Jedi Council sitting and I think Bananakin wants to become a BDSM Master, but Moose Window keeps saying no. Then they all ask Bananakin ' s boyfriend Boi to convince Bananakin to spy on Pulp, and Bananakin doesn't know how to say no so he sorta kinda just plays both sides like a punk - ass bitch.  
  
A few more horrible decisions later, Boi is sent to the Vampire Aesthetic planet to find General Deoxys. He gets a giant lizard from somewhere and battles the Shit General. But he doesn't have a pokeball so he instead bashes him with his lifesaver, until he gets tired of that and shoots him in the heart or whatever that mass of organs under his chest plate was.  
  
Meanwhile, back on Croissant, Bananakin and Pulpy go see graceful giant sperm dancing that we're supposed to believe is somehow opera with no fucking sound.

There he talks about his Shit Master Lemon Pledge, entices Bananakin, then just continues watching the fucking sperm opera who knows how much longer.  
  
Then we get Bananakin telling Moose that Pulpy is actually a Shit lord , and Moose takes his Squad to go neutralize him.  
  
They fail, and Pulpy lets himself be turned into an old marshmallow left in the sun too ling so that Bananakin will cut of Moose ' s hand and then watch Window get launched out the window.  
  
Bananakin decides to join the Shit, and does his best impression of someone hesitantly giving a BJ in a McDonald's parking lot, and suddenly he's now pure evil. This is why you shouldn't have oral sex, kids.  
  
Anyways, after that he murders some children. The Jedi Temple is on fire for some reason, and Billymayes stands crying and doing nothing in her apartment, much like me because of the utter butchery this movie does to her character.  
  
Back to Vampire Aesthetic Planet, Boi gets shot off a cliff face by his friend the Yellow Power Ranger, but he survives and steals a ship back to Croissant.  
  
He meets Yoda somehow and then there's a bunch of fighting in the Temple. Boi goes to talk go his girlfriend Billymayes and then out of the blue she finally decides to do something and go find Bananakin herself.

She doesn't tell Boi, but Boi knows she's gonna do something goddamn stupid, because Billymayes is as subtle as a brick to the face.

Boi sneaks onto her ship as Billymayes flies to Bowser's Lava Lake, where Bananakin just killed some lizard people.

Things seem to almost go okay, but then Boi does a dramatic entrance and Bananakin, angered that his scene was stolen, chokes Billymayes in retaliation.

Perfect logic, as you can see.

Boi and Bananakin end up fighting. Zap-zap, bzzt-bzzt, dramatic music- dramatic music, and then they end up on a hill.

Boi is higher up and points out that he has a tactical advantage...

And Banakin realises he's right, they apologize, have some crazy make-up sex in the sand, and through the sheer power of their combined libidos caused Pulpy's head to explode from light years away.

Smol droid and tol droid actually do something and manage to stabilize Billymayes, and all three of them go to Pool Masseffect and watch the miracle of birth.

Everyone is happy, Yoda pulls some Naruto Shippuden bullshit and brings everyone back to life that was killed, Banakin is forgiven, and nothing bad ever happened in the galaxy ever again.

And that's the movie.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Star Wars: Revolting Old Toe Slime [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145282) by [the_dragongirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_dragongirl/pseuds/the_dragongirl)




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